I don't know

I find at night

I am haunted by thoughts.

Simpler things, like

Math assignment due tomorrow, can I finish it by then?

or

Did I really turn in the essay or not? I don't remember...

But often times

I am terrorized by my inner self.

Who are you?

Why don't you know yourself yet?

What are you going to do as an adult?

Repeated

rephrased

over

and over

and over

until my dreams come

my school transferred into a weird place where they poke your rib cage until you wake up

my brother wearing purple Converse and walking funny

but once I wake up from them

I lie in wait of sleep to return before my alarm goes off

thinking the same thoughts as I had six hours ago, only rephrased once more and restocked with more questions.

What's your sexuality?

What will you do in college?

Do you really want to be her friend?

Can you last-minute invite So-And-So to the party?

No, seriously, DO YOU LIKE ANYONE?

I reply to my questions feebly, often times unsure of my own self.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

The response to basically all of them.

Repeated.

Again.

Again.

Until I fall asleep again

and wake up to the reality of the world,

which is no better than my dreams.

But I do find comfort in my friends

because we all have at least one thing to answer completely, honestly, truthfully with;

I don't know.