I learned

I learned to cry without my eyes turning red

Letting tears run down my face

Silence can be agony

I cover up my tears with a smile pasted on for all to see

But no one sees me

I put on a mask

Of perfect indifference

The smile goes on last

Cause it’s the hardest

To keep in place.

I learned to suck in my stomach

till it became a habit

And I never let myself relax.

At school, at home,

I had to force myself to let go

Fall away from all this uncertainty

Changing for everyone but me

I learned to show my red lips,

They think it’s lipstick

But really they’re just chapped and bloody

From neglect,

From crying and letting tears run down my face

Never to leave a trace

Anywhere but my heart.

I learned to fake my voice

So no-one could guess what’s inside

And subdue those lumps I used to have

In my throat

I trained myself to leave behind

On the path I wondered off

The one that would’ve led me to who I should be.

I learned that my eyes are blue

But everyone sees a different color

Like they see a different color me

One that bends to their will

That will become what they want to see

I give so much to others

Sometimes I wonder

If there’s enough for me

Cause sometimes I look in my reflection

And see a girl,

A doll of others wants and needs.

I’ve learned to hide everything.

I learned that we

Learn to hide

And cover up

So much of ourselves

For someone else

Will we ever find our way back

To who we should be?

So how can anyone judge who I am

When really,

It’s not me?