Judgement

The fear

well, more like terror

and self-consciousness

and discomfort

that comes with thinking that someone is looking at you

their eyes on you

it's truly horrible

it makes you want to shrink up into a little ball and stay there

for the rest of your life

where you don't feel as exposed to the world

where people can see you and judge you

if not out loud, at least in their heads

and they suck at hiding it-

I can always tell when someone's dissing someone in their mind.

I have no idea what's going on with you

why you keep glancing at me

is it because I'm right next to the band conductor

or is it something else?

Is it something that I have spent all 13 and three-quarters of my life avoiding

that I dread

because I don't know how to react?

This is definitely not the first time I've over thought something simple

but it freaks me out every time

and I hate

I absolutely hate

the feeling of eyes on me

the feeling of someone looking at me

I can feel their eyes digging into my back

puncturing through my very essence

it feels gross

to be in the spotlight

with everyone thinking a million different things about you

and you don't know what they are

or how to meet their weird and warped standards.

Heck, I can barely meet my own standards

barely look at myself in the mirror without criticizing how I look

I'm judgmental enough on my own, okay?

Stop watching me.