My ankle hurts
because I stepped funny
at the very beginning
of my very own bat mitzvah party.
I might've twisted it
I don't really know
but I can't sit a certain way
otherwise the pain returns
poking
stabbing
sharp
like a knife that cuts
but also bruises?
I don't know.
My ankle just hurts
because I ran
and stepped funny
and made my ankle gave out on me
just like everything else did.
I am tormented by slight movements
even silence is hurting me
reality seems to be strobing
or something like it -
I've yet to learn how to explain these moments to others,
even myself.
It's not normal,
This is the worst kind of anticipation
this anticipation isn't just fear of what is to come
it's laced around the edges with knowledge of how it went last time
of how a repeat of last year is most likely inevitable.
You two have entered my life at different times
yet you both mean the world to me
I dread separation -
the battle between boredom and loneliness cancels out everything else and I miss your everyday comments on the world
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