once i had short hair

not accidental

cut it like i meant it

people laughed

said i looked 

like

like

someone else

someone i wasnt supposed to

like it was an insult

like it would land

i let it

because that was the point

i never said it

not once

kept it quiet

like something fragile

or dangerous

fast forward

now it’s longer

softer

easier

something people don’t question

something that makes sense

they think i grew out of it

maybe parts of me did

but not fully

i think i just learned

how to look right

but some days

it comes back

not loud

just there

like a bruise

you forget about

until you press it

that’s the part

i don’t explain

the part

i keep

i go in waves

in

out

fine

then not

and i don’t know why

i just know

it keeps happening

i cant tell

if im so upset

with myself

because of the shape of my body

or because of the body im in

and thats what i never told you

its not what you expected

is it