second priority

I've never felt second best,

Being a twin, you get asked a lot of questions:

"Who's older?"

"Who's smarter?"

"Who's the favorite?"

But you never gave into them:

"They were born at the same time"

"They both have straight A's"

"I love them both so much"

What's changed?

I've learned that I'm younger,

Only by a second—a moment,

My birth certificate bears a different time,

Yet we still tell people we're the same age

Because the difference doesn't define us.

Now I'm starting to fail my classes,

Not a single A to my name anymore.

You must think of her as the smarter one,

While I'm the one who can't be bothered:

No homework, no studying, no perfect SAT score.

Have things changed because you've finally chosen a favorite?

And of course, it's her.

I've grown to hate myself,

So it's not surprising you do too.

You see yourself in me and loathe it,

Support no longer feels like support

Because you can't imagine I'd be anything like you:

Of course I'm not sad,

Or anxious enough to pass out,

Of course I'm faking when I'm throwing up

So you'll send me to school.

But when she wants to stay home,

You shower her with love,

Buy her favorite foods,

While you'd take mine away to keep me thin.

When I want to disappear,

I'm still second best.

You'll cry, but still yell,

Making me feel guilty for wanting you to care.

I'll keep my head down—float with the majority,

And try to live with being second priority.

But know that I am more than your reflection;

More than a twin, more than second best.

I am my own person, worthy of love,

Even if you can't see it yet.