The thing that saved me

At the beginning of the year,

I lost myself

So completely

To the crushing waves of despair,

Hopelessness,

Sadness,

I am always angry

But usually I can put my anger away

And at the beginning of the year

I couldn't.

I fought anyone and everyone whenever I could

Latched onto an obsession I'd sworn I'd gotten over

I was gone

I was lost.

And I look back

And I wonder

What brought me back?

How did I come back into myself when things only got worse?

What got better?

And I realize

It got better

The thing I loved.

I found success

Which took me to a point I'd never dreamed of

I found a festival

A district-wide festival

Still out of my funk

Went

And there

There with my people

In the cramped unfamiliar school

Low ceilinged band room

Loud percussion

Kids I didn't know

Still mostly don't

But bonded with somehow

It gave my brain something to focus on

Get better at

Think about

Improve

It stopped and made me care about something

When I hadn't for months

Took me away from

An environment I hate

And

It

Brought me back

It saved me.

I didn't know it at the time

But after that

I was so much happier

I had something to strive for again

After not being able to chase down

Swim team

Because of my knee

Shotput

Because I was hardly any good anymore and never practiced

The spark was gone

It brought it back

Rescued me from myself

That's how I know

This is what I am for

What I was born to do

That's how I know

The thing that honestly might have saved my life

Is my future.