You Two

Looking at you two

as you "dance" on the "dance floor"

which is really just an empty spot on the ground

as you hold hands awkwardly

though enjoying it

as you experience feelings that I've never experienced before.

I keep asking what it's like

because I don't know what it's like

and you two clearly do

you just don't really tell me

it's like missing out on this big secret that everyone else knows

everyone but me

I feel sort of left out, yes

but I'm not sure if I'm jealous or not

maybe I'm amused

or curious

I don't know

because I'm so good at lying to myself

that I can't tell the difference between if I'm telling the truth or not anymore

I doubt myself too

I can't feel what you two feel for each other

I don't open myself up that much

I can't be that honest

that unfiltered

that pure

I just don't know how

after so many years of pretending

I can't find myself

I can't possibly put myself out there

to feel what

you two

feel