Writing

If only I could stop doubting myself,

If only I could stop being afraid,

If only I could be happier instead of secret depression,

If only I could get better, and peace would stay,

I threw a needle at the mirror, the whole thing shattered,

leftover lipbalm sits in my pocket.

I would’ve never kissed you if I knew you were straight 

I hissed as the pressure around my ribs tightened.

Am I disposable to you?
Did you get me thinking I'd be 20% off?
Did you get me thinking you could just find another, not caring if I'd be getting a good lover?
You think I'm disposable, discarded, trash.

I am a patriot and a proud American, and nothing will change that 

I will never cease to believe in the idea of America and the potential this nation holds 

Sometimes it feels like

there is a giant boulder

hanging above my head

which I constantly have to chip away at

to prevent it from crushing me

but, what if I rest too long

or can't chip fast enough