Writing

It was a small bracelet; it was black and braided rope, with the words “ I love you forever” on it.  My mom gave it to me on my 15th birthday. She didn't make a big deal about it. She just smiled and wrapped it around my wrist.

As my parents would put it,

in a funk.

As my friends would put it,

depressed

or

tired.

How I put it,

aware of real life and frustrated and upset.

I hold a dandelion to my lips,

The skeletal puff of its existence -

And I blow on it gently

After thinking hard:

What should I wish for?

For my friends to never have to leave?

To stop being so behind

I want to love.

Do you know that?

Do you all know that?

I want to love.

I want to scream it to the universe.

I want to live

I want to laugh

At first, it is boring

irritating

because I don't want to be there.

But quickly

as I enter the woods

the cool, damp springy air

tinted with the scent of ferns that lie on either side of the trail.

“Doomsday” by Lizzy McAlpine is one of the few songs I can listen to all the time because its theme about the inevitability of a relationship ending speaks to me.