Writing

If I called you

Right now

In the middle of the night

If I called you in tears

And said I don't know

I don't know how to do this anymore

Maybe I never did

One second I'm fine

The next

I want to see fields

Of girls

Standing tall to the sun,

Their imperfections

Shined upon the brightest,

Their souls sparkling

We can do hard things.

We can push through heartbreak,

The tears of feeling like we're not wanted,

Like we're not good enough,

We can splash in them.

We can laugh and cry in the same breath

I told myself

Over and over

My future lies within that year

Within a heart so icy

It froze my own

Within eyes so guarded

They became attackers.

By seeking to reclaim our past

The light flickers in my bedroom

as I brush my hair;

I remember that theory that it’s someone dead trying to speak to you,

I’m sure it’s just a thing from movies.

The light flickers again in the bathroom 

at the beginning of the end 

you went to shake my hand 

i followed it with an embrace 

for i could not face 

what i knew would come