Writing

The first time the words touched my ears

I sobbed,

stricken on the ground.

The second time,

I cried 

and was inconsolable.

The third time

do I like myself?

no.

do I accept myself?

no.

do I appreciate myself?

no.

yet do I wish I was someone else?

no.

She says, I’m scared, 
and I don’t lie, 
I am too. 

Scared in the quiet, 
scared of how much 
this matters. 

Except for one moment: 
when I’m beside her. 

I almost said forever,
the way people do
when they want the moment to stop moving.

But I know I’m temporary
in ways you aren’t.

And loving you
has been the happiest
I’ve ever felt.

i wonder if that barren winter tree shivers in the wind 

wishing on its last leaf for the revitalizing life of spring to come sooner. 

i wonder if that isolated cloud feels the weight of the rain it carries 

We are such remarkable beings;

In the hearts we have learned to draw

beat our brilliance through persistence

and the way how even when we feel

as if our lungs have been shattered,

what was left of our love blown