?

I don't understand
I used to be
Strength is...I used to be strong, so strong and I knew it
I know I'm still strong
but why is it suddenly looked down upon?
I've grown and grown and changed and become more myself and the people I love don't like it
and they question why I never tell them anything
I was so much younger yesterday, I think
The days seem to move so slowly, they drag on
and then too quickly, they disappear
I'm so tired of fighting and I don't know what's happened
I used to be able to write, words came so easily to me
I used to be colorful and see color and I used to breathe color
and I still can, still am, but the shades are muted and quiet
I listen to nostalgic music, trying to make myself cry, then force the tears back
In this house, I am not allowed to cry.
So.
I shut down.
While they yell at me I.
Stay silent.
Don't look at them.
They'll only get mad.
I do not cry.
I do not yell back.
I show no emotion.
Don't let them see me.
When they are done, say "ok".
Totally toneless voice, no body movement.
Don't move until they echo my "Ok", and nod.
Turn slowly and deliberately, no emotion, don't show it.
Walk out.

I don't know what happened.