Aug 05

I Am Tired of Not Feeling Safe

I am tired of not feeling safe.

Is it because I am a girl?
Is it because I go to high school?
Is it because I've been pressured to drink by my own family?

I do not know.

I am just tired of it.

I am tired of thirty-year-old men staring at me after a bike race once I changed into the well-fitting shirt I received.
I am tired of hearing my classmates speculate on who was most likely to bring a gun to school.
I am tired of getting messages on Facebook from my twenty-three-year-old cousin, asking me if I want to 'get shitfaced'.

I just want to feel safe in my own skin.

I don't want to stand with my arms over my chest.
I don't want to think about what would happen if someone brought a gun to school.
I don't want to block my own family online, when I know I won't see them for months.

Is it bad to want out? Out of this..torment?

My problems are just laughed at. They're not worth the anxiety they cause.

It's because I'm a kid, isn't it? 
A dumb, naive, fifteen-year-old girl.

It's just my hormones, isn't it?

It's just my imagination, isn't it?

It always is.
About the Author: Abriatis
but if time would stand still, this moment, I'd freeze it in place