Lost

The day I lost my youth completely

the sweet scent of childhood

swept away by the sharp,

tangy,

sensation of adolescence.

I have chased after my hopes and dreams

as I thought that they led a path through the dense wilderness of reality

while really,

they led away from it.

Now

I can't go backwards,

backwards through the wild, predictably unpredictable truths

backwards in time to when I was four

playing with the train set that I had just gotten with my neighbor

bouncing on the trampoline at gymnastics with two of my friends with the same name

playing in the snow at my cousin's house

when I was seven

realizing that I didn't actually hate pickles

reading new books

forcing my friends to play with my calico critters

and now?

Now,

I have endless homework

the teachers tell us that it's not homework,

that you should be able to finish it all at school,

and I play an instrument,

and I have grown,

from this happy, bouncy little kid who would beg for grapes

to a pre-teenish person who has no idea what happened to their youth

what happened to my chance at learning all of these things that could've fixed some of the problems that I have now?

Why can't I go back in time

to find what youth that I had lost

Cheerios that had fallen out of the bag

and kept them,

saved them,

for now?

When I most need it

when I'm fragile and stressed and overwhelmed

what will I do

if I get lost, too?