Why

Why?

It's a question I ask

More and more.

How far

Am I willing to go for this?

As it gets harder

And harder.

Auditions.

I have to prove to other

People

Actual

Judges

That I am good

That I am worth listening to

That I have something inside of me

That I can bring into the world.

Concerts.

Playing for an

Actual

Audience.

Solos.

Paving my own way

In front of

Actual

People.

Putting myself

Out there.

I usually

Just want to get through it.

But that's not

What I love it for.

I love it for the vulnerability

The recognition

The performance

The click

The way

The way

It feels.

Like my entire life -

Has come to this -

Like dandelions and PE and friendship and walking and our hands intertwined and writing and Spotify -

Like my whole life.

Like everything I love.

I want to love it

And not just...try not to die

Try not to mess up

Too badly.

I want to paint a picture

For everyone who hears me.

That's why,

I think.

Why

Why 

Why.

Michael Buble said

"We love music

And it loves us".

It does.

I have been thinking of it as

This impossible thing

I'm chasing

Needing it

Hard

Heartbreak

How do I get there

Competition

But it's light

It's love

It loves me

It's there for me.

I need to play

Like that.

Like all the whys inside me

Are coming out.