I was

I was...what was I?

I was happy.

I was free.

I had such a rush of a year

That I forgot...everything else.

Full steam ahead

Days blurring

Like a train.

Plowing through.

I warned myself.

I didn't think too hard about it, though.

Fun and games.

Laughter.

And wasn't it great.

I was happy

Until I remember what's important to me.

I brushed off last year -

"Ugh yeah, it wasn't that great, now I actually know what's the best and it wasn't that" -

But I miss it.

I miss it a lot.

I don't regret this year...

I regret pushing everyone away.

A friend group,

Shattered,

Torn by different interests.

I need each

And every

One of them.

My support system, right?

Wasn't it?

I was happy.

I was happy

Even earlier this year.

I was happy because of how shallow it seemed

But how deep it turned out to be.

Boundless love for one another,

Disguised by snarky sarcasm burn battles.

Now I'm...stuck.

Again.

I did it

Again.

Closing off.

Nothing I can do.

You all just got too close,

And so...out.

I push you out

With icy walls

Away from me.

It's for the best, you know.

My own selfish stupidity

Never saved me -

But it made it the same

Instead of worse.

I was happy.

Now I don't know how to be.

QueenBee

VT

13 years old

More by QueenBee

  • Life

    "Life isn't about finding yourself.

    Life is about creating yourself."

    Said the big chalkboard on the wall

    In that gym lined with red mats

    And chairs and chairs and chairs

    I'll never forget

  • Busywork

    I feel useless

    Unproductive

    No one needs me right now

    Good

    I have nothing to do

    B o r e d o m.

    I can't stop thinking about you

    I assign myself tasks

    Keeping me occupied

  • It all comes back

    When I got home

    After those two days

    Passed by much too fast

    And then they were gone

    And I was changed forever

    When I got home

    I remember

    I cried and cried and cried

    From longing