Underwater

The pool deck is wet

It smells like chlorine

I am no stranger to this

I know the swim caps and goggles

I know the way of being a swimmer

The way you either are or aren't

How could I not

I loved it

So

I put goggles on

Ditch my swim shorts

They get baggy

Drag me down

I want to be a torpedo

I jump in

Never sliding in slowly

It just drags it out

And

Underwater

It's me and the water

I can feel the silence

Not the silence I hate

The silence that keeps me up at night

The water

Talking to me

Hello, old friend

It's good to be back

I missed this

I missed it

So much

I didn't realize I would

When I left

I slice through it

Easily

Oh, wow

Experimentally

I decide to do a lap

See how it feels

See how long I can keep going

Stroke by stroke

This is familiar

I fall into rhythm

I can hear my coaches in my head

Glide

Breathe every three

Reach

Reach

Pull

Glide

That's the key to freestyle

Gliding on your wake

It comes so naturally

I'm shocked

I guess it never left

Even though I walked out

Underwater

I can hear my thoughts

But I am calm

It is

I do lap

After lap

After lap

I don't want to stop

I can feel my body pushing to the brink of exhaustion

But I know exhaustion

I know swim practice exhaustion

We're not there yet

Why not go a little farther

Push a little harder

Lap

After lap

The water welcomes me

I am back

Around me

People play in the water

I do laps

Swimming

Stroking

Reaching

Pulling

Gliding

Lap after lap

I don't want to stop

My breath lasts less

My arms are dragging

Yes

I love this

I love when I can feel my body

Like this

Tired

The water isn't icy-cold

I work best when it is

I swim

It just is

Me

Swimming

Underwater

In the water

Feeling it cascade over my body

And when I am done

The exhaustion

Oh

It's beautiful

There is no better feeling in the world

Nothing else

Gives me that adrenaline

That feeling

I was tired

It was magical

The joy came back

But all I can hear

Is how my coach said

"She needs to keep swimming

She's beautiful in the water"

She needs to keep swimming

I know

I can feel it

In my bones

But I can't

I'm sorry

I've chosen something else

She needs to keep swimming

She needs to keep swimming