How It Always Goes: An Angry Rant

Dear ______ I am sorry.

Dear ______ I have hurt you and I don't know how to stop.

I say often that it is not hard to be kind,

But for some reason there's a switch inside me that turns off when I see you and I become so raw and so bare and so sad.

Dear ______ you are angry and you never quite say anything ... mean,

But it still hurts so God damn much.

I'm not sure of a lot

but I didn't used to doubt myself 

and every time you go to speak I end up feeling so wrong

I question so many memories

and yes I often phrase things badly, and messily, awkwardly...

But my intentions are never to hurt you

So why do I end up doing it anyways?

I swear I am losing my mind.

I feel so alone

and I have to be smiling

and have to be scintillating

have to be kind

have to forgive you.

But God damnit it feels like you hate me ...

and be honest, if anyone else had said that you would have laughed it off.

You used to love me,

But now I am doubting that too. 

And I am still apologizing to you.