After the End

I need an after,

not a happily ever after,

that's a ending,

I need something after the ending,

when my movie ends and the credits are playing I need the last clip,

the bloopers.

When they close the door on my casket I need to know there is another door that opens in a different place,

a place that can give me more then what this earth ever could,

when the flowers are laid on my grave,

I need to know new ones are growing in the place I will walk when I am no longer living.

When my last chapter is read and my book is closed,

pages torn,

ripped,

stained with the tears of the people who read it,

left in the bottom of the dusty library of people that have been lost from this life,

I need to know I have an epilogue.

I need a hidden message left in the notes of my last song,

I want words to play on repeat in someones head,

making a new song to sing to the ones I've already lost when I make it to wherever they are,

my funeral songs,

are for the living,

I want to know that I can create music for the dead,

I need to know there is joy when we are gone.

I want to reflect on the memories of the happy times I had here,

and realize that the sad ones made me strong enough to make it as far as I did.

Dying shouldn't be scary,

but it is,

the unknown is scary,

the thought of losing yourself and never finding you again is terrifying.

Death should be a promise for a new beginning,

not the end of all the things you never did,

not the stop to all the words you needed to say,

not the blinding of all the sites you didn't get to see,

not the deafening of you when you need to hear all the songs you didn't get to hear,

and not the end to all the lives you never got to live.

It should be a beginning,

a beginning to the person I am not,

A beginning of all the art that never was made,

a beginning to the end.