The sky pirates of Murica are formidable foes. They fly around the skies of Murica, led by Cap'n Bubbleboots and his private dirigible, The Glorious Bat and it’s pilot, Derek. Their dress code strikes fear into the eyes of anyone who has ever heard of them: Red bandana, black overcoat, and hot pink rain boots. Cap'n Bubbleboots’ beard is covered in duct tape the color of swamp water right after a tankard of oil has been dumped into it. The fleet of airships he leads is fifty strong, with a crew of twenty-five per ship. They had no enemies (well, at least none that would dare to fight them) until an extremely dumb middle aged farmer named Jemos decided to do something.
He went to the local hardware store and asked the store clerk “What’re yer most weapon-like things?”
“W-well, in aisle th-three, we have harpoon guns and f-flares.” The clerk said, nervously pointing towards aisle three.
“Thanks.” Jemos said. He got what he wanted and dumped it on the counter.
“Th-that’ll be one h-hundred twenty-two d-dollars and n-ninety-nine cents.” Jemos handed over the money, took his stuff and strolled out of the store towards the sky docks.
“Gimme a ship!” Jemos said excitedly.
“Well, do you have any money?” The dockmaster responded.
“No!”
“Then go home.” The dockmaster said. Jemos responded by yelling at the top of his lungs, running towards the biggest ship on the docks, and stealing it.
He found the pirates’ home base, a floating island over the sea, in a few weeks. Everyone on the island was partying after a long day of raiding, but who wouldn’t notice a giant airship approaching your floating island at full speed. He was spotted immediately. Jemos needed to act fast. He grabbed the harpoon gun and fired it at the pirate base. Everyone backed away until a handful of pirates started tightrope walking across the rope. Unfortunately for them, they were drunk from the party, and collapsed into the sea. The others stayed back. The few who just arrived to the pirate party and haven’t had a drink yet stepped forward with their cutlasses drawn and started to walk towards Jemos’ ship. Jemos responded by yelling and throwing flares at them. Jemos may have been dumb, but he was a truly great shot, and after all, rain boots are not tightroping shoes.
At this point, Cap'n Bubbleboots had the chance to board The Glorious Bat and take off. He soared at Jemos’ ship, but the driver was also drunk and crashed into his ship. They both went down into the sea.
The conflict had turned into a naval battle, but both ships had a big deflating bag of hydrogen, neither could move, and they were both sinking. Jemos made the first move by lighting a flare and throwing it at the gas bag of The Glorious Bat. Jemos hit, sending Cap'n Bubbleboots’ ship up in flames. Acting fast, Bubbleboots dove off the deck and started swimming towards Jemos, who readied another flare. Being the great guy he is, Jemos accidentaly dropped the flare onto his own ship! Both ships were burning now.
“Go back to where ya came from, land-dweller!” the pirates yelled down at the battle.
Jemos had started to climb back up to the island, leaving Bubbleboots trying to grab at the burning rope. Jemos hung onto the rope, looking for a ledge to shelter in until the island became safe. He spotted one not too far away and started to swing towards it. He didn’t notice that Cap'n Bubbleboots had managed to get a hold on the rope and was climbing up with a sword in his teeth.
Jemos never returned from his voyage. I guess not every story has a happy ending.
He went to the local hardware store and asked the store clerk “What’re yer most weapon-like things?”
“W-well, in aisle th-three, we have harpoon guns and f-flares.” The clerk said, nervously pointing towards aisle three.
“Thanks.” Jemos said. He got what he wanted and dumped it on the counter.
“Th-that’ll be one h-hundred twenty-two d-dollars and n-ninety-nine cents.” Jemos handed over the money, took his stuff and strolled out of the store towards the sky docks.
“Gimme a ship!” Jemos said excitedly.
“Well, do you have any money?” The dockmaster responded.
“No!”
“Then go home.” The dockmaster said. Jemos responded by yelling at the top of his lungs, running towards the biggest ship on the docks, and stealing it.
He found the pirates’ home base, a floating island over the sea, in a few weeks. Everyone on the island was partying after a long day of raiding, but who wouldn’t notice a giant airship approaching your floating island at full speed. He was spotted immediately. Jemos needed to act fast. He grabbed the harpoon gun and fired it at the pirate base. Everyone backed away until a handful of pirates started tightrope walking across the rope. Unfortunately for them, they were drunk from the party, and collapsed into the sea. The others stayed back. The few who just arrived to the pirate party and haven’t had a drink yet stepped forward with their cutlasses drawn and started to walk towards Jemos’ ship. Jemos responded by yelling and throwing flares at them. Jemos may have been dumb, but he was a truly great shot, and after all, rain boots are not tightroping shoes.
At this point, Cap'n Bubbleboots had the chance to board The Glorious Bat and take off. He soared at Jemos’ ship, but the driver was also drunk and crashed into his ship. They both went down into the sea.
The conflict had turned into a naval battle, but both ships had a big deflating bag of hydrogen, neither could move, and they were both sinking. Jemos made the first move by lighting a flare and throwing it at the gas bag of The Glorious Bat. Jemos hit, sending Cap'n Bubbleboots’ ship up in flames. Acting fast, Bubbleboots dove off the deck and started swimming towards Jemos, who readied another flare. Being the great guy he is, Jemos accidentaly dropped the flare onto his own ship! Both ships were burning now.
“Go back to where ya came from, land-dweller!” the pirates yelled down at the battle.
Jemos had started to climb back up to the island, leaving Bubbleboots trying to grab at the burning rope. Jemos hung onto the rope, looking for a ledge to shelter in until the island became safe. He spotted one not too far away and started to swing towards it. He didn’t notice that Cap'n Bubbleboots had managed to get a hold on the rope and was climbing up with a sword in his teeth.
Jemos never returned from his voyage. I guess not every story has a happy ending.
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