Growing up

When I was six I longed to be twenty five

My mother had all these rules

All I wanted was to leave my home

To live on my own

To stay up late

To eat all the unhealthy things I was never allowed

When I was nine I longed to be twelve

My brother was in middle school 

He had his own phone

He made plans with his friends all by himself 

I had to ask my mom

I could only talk to my friends on her phone

I was still in elementary school 

I was still a baby in my siblings’ eyes

When I was twelve I longed to be seventeen 

My sister could drive

She had a job and her own money

She could buy whatever she wanted

She saw her friends all the time

They got dinner 

Or went swimming

She went to Spain on her own

I was stuck at home

I was finally in middle school

But it was not quite as great as I expected

It didn’t bring my promised freedom

Now I’m fifteen

Somehow I've grown older without realizing

I wasted my time wanting to be older 

Wanting more

Instead of appreciating what I already had

I find myself

Spending hours in front of a screen

Pouring over homework

Or perfecting a text message

Instead of playing outside

Or making movies with my brother and sister

I find myself longing

Instead

To be younger