ninestars

I am 15, a rising sophomore struggling mentally. Can’t motivate myself to do much, still dreading the first day of school. I often find the phrase “I can’t” pouring out of my mouth as I feel out of control, laying in my mom’s arms.

My body

drowning in a

hoodie and sweatpants

knowing it won't

and can't

muster the energy

to get up.

Not that I

need to.

It's the middle

of the night.

But it seems

When you’re trapped

in a place you can’t escape,  

routines that never end,

drowning under piles of paper, 

with the deafening sounds 

of endless haunting expectations 

Sometimes

I question why

I do things.

Sometimes

I question why

other people

do things.

Sometimes

Some call it “just kicking a ball”

but I call it

a part of my soul,

my heart.

A part of 

who I am.

On the field,

Wishing I could,

stuck with I can’t

because of nerves

that refuse to say goodbye.

Heart is obsessed,

mind is stressed,

with my heart

yelling at my mind,

and my mind