The Letter I Can Never Send

Hey,

I don’t even know how to begin this, because just thinking about you makes my chest feel too small. It’s stupid, isn’t it? How someone can take up so much space in your mind without ever meaning to. You’re everywhere. In my thoughts, in every song, in every second where I catch myself wondering if you’re thinking of me too.
You have this gravity to you. People are always pulled toward you. They light up when you walk in, and honestly, so do I. But I have to pretend it’s different. Like it’s just friendship. Like I’m not burning inside every time you smile at someone else the way I wish you smiled at me.
You talk to everyone like they matter. Like they’re special. And they believe it. I believe it. Because when you speak, it feels like the world pauses to hear you. And I want to be selfish. God, I want you all to myself. I know that sounds terrible. I know it’s unfair. But when I see you laughing with someone else, something in me breaks and I can’t breathe right.
Being near you feels like drowning in sunlight. Beautiful, warm, but just a little too much. And when I’m away from you, it’s worse. I miss you even when you’re only a room away. You fill my brain, even when you’re not trying to. Especially when you’re not trying to.
I don’t know what this is supposed to be. I don’t even know what I want from you. Maybe I just want you to look at me once and see everything. Not the best friend. Not the loyal shadow. Just… me. The me who loves you more than she should.
But you don’t know. And I’ll never tell you.
So I write it here, where you’ll never see it.
Because losing you would hurt more than keeping this all inside.
Still, I hope you feel it sometimes… in the way I say your name, in the way I listen to you like nothing else matters.
Because to me, nothing does.
Sincerely,
Me