Do you remember those September evenings we spent together in the playground?  
The shiny rock we put in our pockets and the ugly little rocks that got lodged in our heels.
The plastic slide that went into the sandbox that made your hair go like exclamation marks.
The little clovers with heart-shaped leaves that tasted like soap smell.
The day we waited two hours for the man to come turn on the sprinkler.

Do you remember, many years later, when you and I went to camp in the mountains?
The August evening to nights we spent with everyone else sitting in the hammocks.
The Friday nights when I would wear a hat and we would sing and pray and dance.
The times we left to go on hikes, and you would braid my hair because I was scared of lice.
The day we came back and told each other stories about how far you had to hike and how heavy my backpack was
The night befor we had to go home, far away from each other, and we stayed up all night and you hugged me and cried and cried and I didn’t and I should have and I’m sorry.

I saw the waves 
crash over the sand 
where you once sat. 

Your ashes sink 
into the waters 
you once sailed. 

Others desecrate 
the land 
you once found holy. 

Soon your house will be sold
to strangers
who will never know
the man who prospered there.

And maybe the hardest truth is,
I have lost him too,
for I no longer know
the man who once lived.

In the forest of all things new,

Our mother says there is no food

The rabbits are gone,

The squirrels are too,

All that's left are the big brown bears,

All comfortable in their dens

They have taken all the food

Not to eat it, but to sell it.

In the forest of all things new, 

Mother says she'll get us food.

We wonder how she will

If not from here, then where?

She comes back with a mouse,

A small one for us three.

We have to share the mouse.

For the bears have decided

This is how it has to be.

we plan sledding days at the country club with a hill

& reminisce about them when summer comes,

recall hours spent tumbling

head over heels into mounds of snow, clutching

for dear life the thin plastic sleds, shrieking with terrified laughter

as the hill flies away beneath us &

in february when it happens we grin with relief

and nearly forget 

that rush of wintry glee 

when the warmth we wait for                   finally arrives.

The person who inspires me the most right now is an amazing woman named Amit Elore. She is a 2024 Olympic gold medalist in women's wrestling, along with many more national and international gold medals in wrestling. The reason she inspires me is not just that she is an amazing wrestler who has done amazing things, but that she embraces being a woman in a male dominated sport. In the past I have felt like I had to suppress the feminine part of me when participating in my sport, but after following Amit’s life as she trains through being pregnant with her first child, I have come to realize that she is completely embracing being a woman, she isn’t trying to become more manly to achieve her goals, she becomes who she is: a strong woman who can do anything she puts her mind to, including training for the 2028 Olympics while pregnant.

Weren’t we supposed to be

Different?

Didn’t we fight wars

Didn’t we sign papers,

Promising we were something?

Something

New?

But papers are just ink

And quills

And people with privilege to hold them.

But wars are just boys

A few men

Willing to fight for what they believe

For a few years.

That promise

Is lifetimes.

It’s calloused hands building

The frame

And cities of children learning

To build the walls

And the bravery to climb

To put the roof on,

It’s the resilience to do this a thousand times

And the kindness to do it for a hundred neighbors.

I thought that’s what we signed and fought

For,

We have to prove it meant more

Than men from centuries ago

And quills from museums.
 

The world goes on.

Continuing its orbit around the sun.

While we live in our miniature universe. 

With our miniature problems. 

With our miniature feelings. 

On this speck of dust we trust

The world goes on. 

Things are different.

I don't know when they changed

or when I noticed them changing.

But in any case,

my eyes are open now

and I see that things are upside down.

At first it was just a drop

here and there.

An odd interaction

or a surprising text.

But now

it is steadily raining-

a consistent and strong pitter-patter

above my head. 

And now,

my head is tilted back

my eyes closed

enjoying the storm

and waiting for the downpour.

Life. So many ways to describe it. Life is messy. Life is complicated. Life can kick you when you’re already down and spit in your face, telling you to stay down, don’t get up, that you’re worthless, pathetic, a disgrace. But life can also be rewarding. Life can be filled with such wonderful, amazing things. Life can show you who you can trust, and who will be there for you, no matter what. We call these types of people “friends.” 

Friends will be there for you, care for you, stay by your side through thick and thin. But there are friends who do more than that, friends who you trust more than others, friends who will be there at 3am with your favorite take-out after a messy breakup, friends who will stay there with you till you fall asleep after a bad week. “Best friends,” we call them. 

Best friends are always there for you, even if you don’t want them there. They won’t care if you tell them to go away, that you want to be alone. They will be there to support you through the good and bad. Life sends them your way, and shows you whom to trust during the hard times. Life can also take them away just as easily. Life can change them, twist them into people you don’t recognize. Sometimes life is too much for some people. But the ones who make it through the hardships, through all the grief and despair, and are still the same person – keep them close. Don’t let them go. They won’t buckle when faced with hardships. They won’t waver in the face of danger or death. They won’t break down because they can’t! They stay there, by YOUR side, keeping you together. 

They stay with you because they take pleasure in helping others, in keeping people together. Together in the way they wish they were. They may look fine, say “I’m good!,” always changing the subject to check in on you, make sure you’re okay, keep you together, and in some ways, they’re repairing themselves. For most, when they break, nothing can put them back together, but for others – the ones that put on a smile, the ones that cry themselves to sleep at night and show up like nothing happened, the ones that hide their true feelings because they don’t want to be a burden – for them, helping keep others together is what helps keep them there, what helps keep them whole. 

So, what is life? Life is messy. Life is complicated. Life is worse for some than others, always unfair or vindictive. The one true thing life can be, though, is merciful. Merciful when they send that one person your way. That one person who’s broken inside and keeps those together who are broken on the outside. That one person who always puts others before themselves because they feel like they need to, that they need to keep them together, that if they didn’t, they failed. So when that one person comes your way, never let them go. Never.