Lulu_D

She is not really gone

She is right here

She is not really lost

She's only at college

becoming a

a sister that I do not know

a girl beyond creation

I do not write happy things.

Today I will.

Today I will breathe

ignore the sick feeling growing

in the back of my throat.

Today I will drink water

feel it burn the raw throat

At school we draw in the margins of our notebook paper

and toy with the idea of moving to Australia. 

We look up the latest news in between classes, knowing that

the teachers will think we're addicted to our phones.

note: partially inspired by Mary Oliver's "Wild Geese" 

        and  for my mom 

i want you to sit and stare at the glistening horizon. 

a lesbian couple on my bus home from school 

a man in a punk battle jacket on the street 

my mother's female CEO group chat blowing up 

four of my teachers taking the following day off 

I have given a lot of my faith away with purple ribbons

Our fingers brush when my hope is taken from me, and I expect no more than a jolt in my stomach, slight discomfort at having been accidentally touched