Posts
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Reminders
There are many moments
Where I don’t feel
Deserving
Of the attention
Today I’m reminding myself
Of how far I’ve come,
All the years I’ve spent
Living in pain
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Clinging To Sunshine
I’ve kept every card I’ve ever received
For as long as I can remember
People fade in and out of your life
Eventually lost in the past, forgotten
I read their letters after sunset
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"Why didn't you ask for help?"
“Why didn’t you ask for help?”
When I didn’t write for weeks
I was asking for help
When I stopped smiling
When I stopped laughing
When happiness became fake
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Scars
I still hear their words in my head
Constantly reminding me
Of his brutal honesty
“If you wanna starve yourself, go ahead,”
“All my friends say you’re too ugly for me.”
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Accepting the Truth
The hardest part
Wasn’t
Noticing the signs
Hoping they won’t notice the way they hurt you
Knowing they don’t care
Leaving first
Telling yourself to move on
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Insanity
To remember
Is to live in the past
Unable to forget
The wonder and happiness
That emerged from the darkness
To remember
Is insanity
To do the same thing repeatedly
Loves
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The LGBTQ+ Center
I went to the LGBTQ+ youth center for the first time.
For a year
I stared at the website,
wanting nothing more than to go.
When I finally went, on a Wednesday,
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I don’t know, I’m sorry
I don’t know.
I’m sorry.
I don’t know if I can do this.
I’m sorry.
I don’t know if I can do this for much longer.
I’m sorry.
I don’t know if I can do this for much longer and I’ve been getting tired.
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I’m not brave enough to write his name
We made a bet when we were sixteen.
Actually, you were fifteen.
I knew I’d lose. I did it so you would continue to speak to me. I liked seeing you care about something healthy.
Is that okay to say?
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Drowning, Dreaming, Demanding
It feels like drowning in expectations while trying to convince the world I can swim.
I’m always performing.
The pressure is suffocating.
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Too much
I am 13
I am in 7th grade.
I like school. Most of the time.
I am quite good at school.
I'm in all the advanced classes offered. 3 years ahead in Math, 3 years ahead in my English vocab, and on the hardest History track.
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I’m sorry
I’m sorry that I wasn’t the rings to your Saturn,
because Saturn had cracked into two;
I’m sorry that I slipped salt into your sugar,
yet your sugar was bitter, I cried too.
I’m sorry that you never learned to care,