If I were

If I were fearless, I'd tell you
That old songs make me think of you
That you remind me of a bluebird, and I can hear your voice
In quiet places

If I were high, I'd tell you
That I still dont know what color your eyes are, 
That somehow everything makes sense with you even though it shouldn’t, Id tell you
That I miss holding you, that
I wasn't expecting this when I met you
If I could, I'd tell you that I dont regret it

If I wasn't scared, Id tell you
That all the songs you send me are saved on a playlist 
I’d tell you that I’m scared of love because I hate goodbyes, but 
I think it’s too late now 

If I were stronger, tougher, maybe more kind, I’d tell you
That your texts make me smile, that time moves around us, 
I’d tell you that I screwed up, that I’m sorry, that you show up in my dreams, 
As cheesy as that sounds…

If I were brave, I’d tell you
That I’m sorry and I’m sorry and I’m sorry a million times over
Because you don’t deserve the shit this world throws at you

If I were clear-headed, I’d tell you
About late-night phone calls and how I went to bed smiling so hard, how 
I catch myself looking for you everywhere, even in the trees, I’d tell you
That you are unlike anyone I’ve ever known except me, 
That I understand when days are hard, that I wish I could hold you and fall asleep –
If I were clear-headed, I’d tell you about fear and breaking and healing and cloudy days with sunny moments and how your heart looks just like mine –

If I were smart, I’d tell you
all of this 
That I miss you, that I want you, 
That it’s good
That what this is, feels good with you
You’d understand what I meant if you read this
If I were smart I’d tell you
Please stay. 
I want you to stay.  




17 years old

More by Stargirl

  • Been Here Before

    I've loved you for 10 lives

    Quick look to the side, catch your eye, oh-

    I remember you

    Late night talks, separate windows but the same stars, you should just be here, oh-

  • Now

    This house is never silent.
    That's one thing I've noticed, unlike other places 
    Here is never quiet.
    The is no break, no pause, no stop, only Go.
    Keep going, there's no time--