Posts
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I Don't Want
No. I don't want to love you.
I don't want to play songs that sound like you
until they become my whole head, I don't want
to write a poem
if you ever call me laughing and cold
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A Girl, 9:43 p.m.
She has just showered, and her hair hangs limp down her back, washed of the shampoo she waited five minutes, forehead against the cool tile wall, to rinse off. The sky is ink and charcoal, but then, it has been for hours.
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I wanna be a literary girl
& walk around soho with maxi skirts & matcha & annotate the bell jar in velvet blue ink on curling pages with garamond font & wear my hair long down my back & dark sunglasses pulled up on my head & bangle bracelets that sli
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What lingers?
I found this vignette in a notebook from summer 2024 and thought it was worth sharing. I have no memory of writing it, but I'm glad I did.
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Turning to Silt
I never thought I'd wonder
how it would feel to touch your face
but now the thought sticks to my skin, tangles
in my hair. I never thought
your eyes would be anything but blue,
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tilly
Your hair danced in the wind
yesterday, and the trees
turned your eyes green.
You took
a photo of me, my skin
flushed from the fire, my
eyes closed on accident
and I took one
Loves
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I am not afraid of spiders
Grief, in all forms, in all ways, changes you. I am not afraid of spiders—they crawl, and they creep, and they dangle from their long lines of gossamer webbing, and they watch me.
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Unlovable
What inherent flaw?
what celestial wrong?
missing ingredient?
failed experiment?
am I?
how am I so unlovable,
that no one comes to hold,
my sorry hand?
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I Will Love You Forever
I went to work the day after they announced it. I stocked the shelves and listened to the radio from the speakers in the warehouse ceilings. Cars were piling up at the exits, trying to get out of town.
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The Season of Figments
Perhaps Autumn is the season of figments. When what’s real is hidden behind mountains of fog. It is a time when what isn’t dances perilously close to what is. The same way the burning leaves that fall, perform their final reel with the wind.
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Let's Get Vulnerable About A Boy (again) ((it sucks this time))
I want you to be happy. First and foremost, I truly do. I also want you to hurt. I'm not sure if you will ever escape yourself, but if or when you do, I hope it is healing to you.
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