out of tune

What used to be my everything 

has now turned into what feels almost like a burden. 

But I don't quit because of that small ounce of enjoyment I still get out of it. Whether or not it's actually enjoyment, I don't even know because I've been doing it for so long.

It feels routinely, nothing to like, nothing to dislike.

I just keep doing it with the hope 

that my nearly extinguished flame of a passion for it becomes the raging fire it once was. 

It's not like I hate it. I don't. 

Hate is the last word I would use to describe it.

I still like it.

And now that I think about it, I still love it, really.

But it's not the same love I felt before. It's a different love, a love that's diminishing the flame I'm trying so desperately to keep alive. 

I don't want to lose something that's been a part of me for so long

but I'm too worried about wasting my time trying to hold onto feelings that haven't even left.

They didn't leave, they're just different.

I just don't love it the same.

It's not the way I loved it 9 years ago when I first started. 

The way I loved it 5 years ago when I decided it would be my life. 

But what used to be, "I want to do this for the rest of my life!" 

turned into, "Do I even like this enough to do it for the rest of my life?" 

out of nowhere.

Conflicted by...sadness? Confusion? Anger? 

I sit alone 

at my piano 

wondering 

do I keep writing this song?