Poetry

Unexpected

but a blessing.

Or at least what I hope will be one.

A surprise

something I normally don't like

but this time

it's different.

It's different because it's you.

Because you reached out

I hate how everything is now

I hate how everyone watered my roots with their poison

how my strongest limbs have been sliced from my trunk

how the rich green of my leaves dulls to a mulchy brown as they fall

down

It felt nice, I guess

Not the backstabbing wannabes

But

The smell of chlorine

How it wouldn't get out of my hair

The racing swimsuit

How snug it was

Streamlined

How fast I was in the water

Everything

Is always a competition with you

Isn't it

You always have to prove you're the best when you know

We all know

You're not

Like saying "playing on the big stage is fun"

I wanted to cry

I can feel a lot of things.

Sensitive, but not like you'd think.

Not like crying all the time

Or getting upset.

I hide it well, I think.

I've learned to mask my temper

I feel so much older

I’m the oldest in my grade

I could’ve been going into high school

My birthday was right on the edge

My friends are all one to two years younger than me

And it’s a gap I can feel

24/7 running in my head,

not a moment of peace and constant

restlessness.

24/7 walking to a beat,

a pressurizing pulse to synchronize

every action with a piece whose name

I can't recall.

i'm afraid of tomorrow 
as it creeps slowly along 
like snail it moves 
leaving a trail of past 
failures and mistakes 
edging closer and closer 

As soon as

I sense the slightest tinge

Of anger

I

Run from myself

Nononono 

You know what happens when you get mad

Just play

And so I play and play

I'm burning

I'm burning myself out

And I will take everyone down with me

All my relationships

Myself

Burning

I want to

Just lose it

Just say what I mean

I'm so tired of this

"Yeah I get it".

No you don't.

No, you don't!

Like fire

My temper

Everywhere.

I haven't been truly angry in a while

Not that I'll ever let you see.

Angry that he

The brick

The songbird sings of hope

Hope it does not own

In pure silence, it copes

Aching all alone

It ensures joy to all

To all but itself