Poetry

I wonder if I can't get over you

Because I can't get over being wanted

There was something special about being wanted

Knowing you'd talk for hours about me

And go out of your way to see

Unexpected

but a blessing.

Or at least what I hope will be one.

A surprise

something I normally don't like

but this time

it's different.

It's different because it's you.

Because you reached out

I hate how everything is now

I hate how everyone watered my roots with their poison

how my strongest limbs have been sliced from my trunk

how the rich green of my leaves dulls to a mulchy brown as they fall

down

It felt nice, I guess

Not the backstabbing wannabes

But

The smell of chlorine

How it wouldn't get out of my hair

The racing swimsuit

How snug it was

Streamlined

How fast I was in the water

Everything

Is always a competition with you

Isn't it

You always have to prove you're the best when you know

We all know

You're not

Like saying "playing on the big stage is fun"

I wanted to cry

I can feel a lot of things.

Sensitive, but not like you'd think.

Not like crying all the time

Or getting upset.

I hide it well, I think.

I've learned to mask my temper

I feel so much older

I’m the oldest in my grade

I could’ve been going into high school

My birthday was right on the edge

My friends are all one to two years younger than me

And it’s a gap I can feel

24/7 running in my head,

not a moment of peace and constant

restlessness.

24/7 walking to a beat,

a pressurizing pulse to synchronize

every action with a piece whose name

I can't recall.

i'm afraid of tomorrow 
as it creeps slowly along 
like snail it moves 
leaving a trail of past 
failures and mistakes 
edging closer and closer 

As soon as

I sense the slightest tinge

Of anger

I

Run from myself

Nononono 

You know what happens when you get mad

Just play

And so I play and play

I'm burning

I'm burning myself out

And I will take everyone down with me

All my relationships

Myself

Burning

I want to

Just lose it

Just say what I mean

I'm so tired of this

"Yeah I get it".

No you don't.

No, you don't!

Like fire

My temper

Everywhere.

I haven't been truly angry in a while

Not that I'll ever let you see.

Angry that he

The brick