Poetry

I found a ring I thought I’d lost

in the bottom of my bag.

I haven’t seen it since last spring —

It’s funny, isn’t it?

All these months,

I thought it gone,

all this time, I’ve just been

carrying it.

No more promises to go to bed earlier

No more making up meaning for the mess on the floor,

No more pages all across my desk.

No more of the big clothes to hide what I don't have. 

Should I continue this lie

that I am finding this world to be okay?

That I'm comfortable as I worry every time I 

show my shoulders because 

what if

this is the day that I'll remember with

I never thought I'd wonder

how it would feel to touch your face

but now the thought sticks to my skin, tangles

in my hair. I never thought 

your eyes would be anything but blue,

Mom

It's getting worse

I hate 

the way my tummy rolls when i sit in this chair and how i feel guilty when i eat a whole bag of peeler gummies and when i don't eat because i hate how i look in the mirror

Dad 

Some days

I feel like I take up

too much space—

like every word I say

echoes louder

than it should.

And other days

I feel so quiet

I’m afraid the world

will blink

There is a language 
spoken only in half-glances, 
in the weight of a pause 
just before someone smiles. 

I want to live,

I want to hear a million songs and dance in the rain,

I want to kiss and make love,

I want to see the world from every angle,

meet people that I will love and ones I won't,

I'm sorry,

I didn't do more for us,

that I didn't treat you like you were enough.

I'm sorry,

for not calling you more,

and didn't hold you when you needed it most.

I'm sorry,

up high in the sky

where birds come to fly 

two clouds that sit perfectly on time 

with the air that comes rounding thinner 

white fluff that twirls like sand 

the world is orange

and i mean orange 

like a sepia photo in which your grandparents

stand stiff & silent,

unsmiling, their clothes starched

for the occasion,

I am here to say this

in only facts

because I don't rely on feelings.

Fact:

Your Mr. Remarkable is quiet.

Cold.

Closed off.

Didn't interact unless

absolutely necessary

smiled maybe twice.