Writing

I walk.

I walk in my head.

In my brain,

My thoughts,

My feelings.

I look over

At your hand.

Hmm.

The more I think about it,

The more tingly I get.

Tingly?

Fuzzy?

Shaking

Shaking

Shaking.

Will I ever feel anything else?

Crippling fear.

Shaking.

I run to the bathroom.

Tears roll down my cheeks.

My eyes

Are empty.

My heart is, too.

Shaking.

All I have,

For everything.

A pawprint

In clay.

That's it.

Thousands of trinkets, toys, stuffies.

Folder upon folder of random junk.

Papers and pencils and packs of gum

When the silences grow stone cold

And you don't fill in the gaps in conversation -

When I can't bring myself to change the subject

But we both know it has to be done -

When I can't find words,

For once in my life,

I'm sorry

I won't say why

because we both know

and we're both handling it differently

but I'm here

I'll be here for a very long time

so if you need me

just tell me

okay?

I'm here for you.

I fell

The ground didn't catch me, though

and I'm still falling

suffocating in my own sadness and grief

in shared sadness and grief, actually

except that it hit you harder

because you were closer to her