Writing

How do I explain

that doubled over laughter

none of us

can play volleyball but

all of us

can laugh

and s'mores

you asked me

what I was doing

I was doing

it all wrong

you said

yesterday i wore jean shorts and a white shirt with lemons on it. i forgot seven times that we aren’t going back today.

there are swans all around me 

but they are blind 

or i am invisible 

and i don't know which

The house breathes heavy.
Shadows louder than footsteps.
A slammed door echoes like thunder,
but we pretend it’s just the wind again.

Dinner gets cold while silence sits warm.
Mama stirs her coffee like nothing’s wrong.

I think I live for the silent and still —

The friends you made against your will.

The evening light,

The morning mist,

The impossible odds that you even exist.

Everybody's excited.

It's summer, after all.

I lie in my room, terrified of the pool parties,

The farmers markets,

The ice cream,

The fun,

The outside,

The friends,

The library.