A hopeless crush One that no one can choose from one stupid glance to that awful amazing smile No matter what age from 5 or 80 you can't help falling for everything good and denying the bad we love them for all they do to there walk, laugh, to even the way they act They may do anything wrong you don't care you enjoy them no matter what even if they were to never love you back You won't let that stop you ever even if they hurt you in every way possible even if they never noticed you that's just how a hopeless crush goes
Trying to write cause I'm feeling blue I wanna write something that's happy and true but the only thing that comes is sadness and I wanna bring people gladness Why can't I feel happy right now? All I want to be is happy right now Can I at least fake it? I know I can fake it but right now it's just not working cause under the surface sadness is lurking I wanna make people smile not cry and I don't wanna feel like I'm gonna die I just wanna write something happy lighthearted and a little bit sappy but all can produce is gloom and sorrow maybe I can try again tomorrow Because I don't wanna drag you down with me and I definitely don't want you to see what I see I wanna make everyone happy though I am not happy I don't know if that'll help anything at all but really don't wanna see other people fall down down down to the depths of sadness
I have been in my house and have not left for 12 days. Yep any body else have 10 packs of broccoli in there house. All I want to do is go to the mall or ya know what THE LIBRARY. But nope that's closed too. I have almost finished ALL of greys anatomy. I have also made Angels food cake and drank 8 root beers In one week. I'm going crazy in my house I hope your doing better than me see ya later This is going to be a long year -Lilly
but never before have i hated each atom, each molecule of wretched air twisted in putrid and vile weaving ribbons like i do now,
lying on an acrylic floor
hating myself and hating everything.
i have never before despised the birdsong playing around me in a lovely melody so sickening it makes me wish the floor would melt around me and swallow me up.
swallow me.
swallow me.
swallow me.
finish what you’ve started. infect me with your decrepit dreams of isolation and damn those who dare to laugh at you as if it is we who are lucky when they can try it again next year,
There are two things I would invent if I could. First, as cheesy as it sounds, a time machine. I would not use this to go back in time and change things. I would use it to go back for shorts amounts of times to get different experiences in particular situations in the past. I think it would be so cool to go back to the ’80s just for the experience. Not only for fun but also for learning. I think it is good for everyone to have experienced different parts of the world and in different situations. I would go back to WWII and the great depression (as terrible as they both were) so I could experience the hard times, even just for a few days, and learn from it. I would have a different perspective on the world after having that experience.
As a member of the lgbtq+ community who has not really come out to my parents, I tend to get a little ticked off. A lot. At myself, at my siblings and yes at my parents, when they use the wrong pronoun, or talk about me having a relationship with an assumed idea of my sexual orientation, based off of the faulty assumption of my gender. And I realize, I am causing my own suffering here. I know that my parents will be fine with who I am. If i just pulled myself together and stopped being afraid of practically nothing. But there is a part of me that is absolutely terrified to say anything at all. I have learned my entire life, to try to avoid awkward situations, but now I'm realizing just how messed up that thought process actually is. You have to be awkward and real and messy in life, to learn how to not be, but still communicate. It doesn't lower my fears to know this, but it does build up my bravery and determination to say something.
Alright. If you have ever been in a car before, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Have you ever been driving along on a beautifully sunny day, when suddenly, the sun comes out from behind the trees and is right in your eyes! You are temporarily blinded by the bright light and have to feel around the roof of the car for your mirror/ sun blocker so you can block out the overwhelming glare of the sun. This works for a while but when your car changes direction, you have to repeat that same process all over again.
This entry is a little wack, so please don't make fun of me for it. It's just a weird little thought that nags me whenever I come to the topic. It's about money. Why is it here? I mean, I get economics and stuff, but why can't we just do the everything-is-free kind of thing, but you can only take a certain amount of the thing. Each house would be nice, and the people who did all the work would get nicer stuff because they're helping the community! That way, everything is fair and no one has to worry about homelessness, losing money, betting... that kind of stuff. I feel like this thought puts up an argument whenever I try to shove it out of my head. And now that I think about it (Wait... wasn't I thinking about it already?) it seems to make a little sense.
We live in a society where people would rather suffer through life-threatening injuries than go to the emergency room because they would not be able to afford the cost of care. We live in a country where the rich are more valued than the common people. We live in a time where nothing is more important than money. We live in a system where if you don't consume you are worthless. We live in an economy where small businesses and family-owned establishments are repeatedly squashed under big cooperation's heels. We live under a government that are puppets for larger chains and more profitable names. The way we live now is that only the very fortunate get health care that can actually support them and their families. The things that some people believe are from propaganda in order to keep health care out of our reach.
For all our talk about climate change, there's one thing we don't talk about: simply getting rid of the Carbon Dioxide that's already in the atmosphere.
We talk about reducing our carbon footprint by using less electricity or driving less or eating less beef, or byt planting trees but there is a solution to all of this staring us in the face:
We know for a fact that not all isotopes of carbon are stable. Carbon-14, the carbon used in carbon dating, decays into Nitrogen-14 and has a half life of 5720 years. Carbon-15 decays even faster, having a half life of only 2.5 seconds. And yet, nobody seems to have thought of just shooting a few neutrons at isolated Carbon Dioxide to cause it to decay and no longer be a greenhouse gas. We already have neutron emitters. We use them in fission bombs.
I cut it to show I have no fear To show I don't need it I can leave without it
I'm strong am I not? Then why did it feel weird when I cut it like a piece of me was ripped away from my soul it hurt the long locks at the length of 18 inch now a short 5 inch
it may not look like a lot but the feel is wrong from washing to drying to just the feel i think I fell in love with my hair
To push forward or stay right where I am. Right where I am nothing is amiss but nothing will change either. Goals are attainable but not without effort put forth to achieve them. Time is tricky but patience plays a big role. My story doesn't end here nor anytime soon. I get what I settle for and I’m not quite satisfied yet with where I’m at. The choice to get up everyday and keep going at it, The dedication, The effort, The will to keep moving is a choice up to me and applies to you as well. So what’s it going to be today? Start today and you’ll be one step closer in the long run.
When someone asks you How are you? you are expected to respond I'm good. even if you aren't, even if you have tears in your eyes, even if you are on the brink of a mental breakdown, you must give the correct response I'm good. Why can't we be honest with each other? Why do we feel the need to lie about our emotions? Is it because we're embarrassed to show signs of weakness? Is it because we believe that no one wants to hear about our problems? We need to be more trusting, more honest, more kind. More sympathetic, more empathetic, we at least need to try to open up to others. And on the opposite end, let others know that you're a person in whom they can confide. Just learn to accept that humans have feelings and no one can be expected to be cheerful all the time and learn to respond honestly
Why are there so many unanswered questions? I lay in bed at night wondering about life. I always get stuck on time; why does, when your taking a test, it seem like the clock is ticking slower? But then, somewhere else in the world, someone is having the time of their lives and they think time is going waaaay fast! How does that work? And when you sleep? I feel like I'm jolted awake two seconds after my head hits the pillow, and I'm genuanly suprised to hear that it's morning. But, again, somwhere else, someone is probably sitting at some boring meeting, and the time is ticking by slowly? That is so confusing!
~~~
I apologize, I just had to let this come out. This isn't super serious, just a little rant.
Below is a small list of things to do while you're still a 'kid'. Feel free to sprout it and add things you want in it! (All of these things are for Vermont). And yes, I have done most of these things.
I am the one who works hard every day. I work hard for myself, and for opportunities I could receive in the future. I play sports, I do art, I act, I am a straight A student, and if I’m being honest… It can be hard to maintain a happy life when you get stuck in the daily grind. I want to use this piece of writing to remind myself, and anyone else for that matter, that it is alright to take a break. Life as a high schooler is incredibly stressful. From stacks of homework, too lovely high school politics (complete sarcasm by the way). Even though it is important to not let all of this rubbish get to you, it can affect your mental health. Sometimes, it is the most important thing for your sanity to take a break from it all. Take a day off from school once in a while and treat yourself. Just relax a little bit and take a load off. Because as important school is, you are way more valuable. So future self, and anyone else who is reading this and needs a healthy reminder, remember this.
