Dec 10

I'm not sure

I know that I'm always loud, obnoxious, and disappointing,
I know that i'm not pretty,
I know that i'm not funny,
I know that I'm not perfect.

I am bipolar, I am depressed, i have severe anxiety, and i choose not to eat.

That's not an excuse. I'm not looking for pity.

I like who I am. 
People like me,
I have a wonderful family,
and i am loved.
That doesn't change anything. 

I am sad, and hurting and angry.
Im angry at them, at you, at myself.
I hurt everyone I love, 
I make it so they can't love me back.

I hide, 
I hide and I run away from my problems.
I have family issues, not bad,
I have relationship issues,
and I am absolutely terrified.
Dec 07
earleyg's picture

Level Up

From the first week of school, I joined a volleyball club. I wanted to be more active and this was a great way to make new friends and bond with those I already had. The first time, I was picked second to last by the captains. I was disappointed, but was like, "I'll show them my skill and maybe next time, I'll be chosen sooner." The next time we picked, I was chosen second. My skill paid off. I'm not a volleyball star but I love the sport and make up for my inexperience with eagerness and aggression to get the ball. I've been playing now for a few months and have noticed a pattern. There are a top six or seven white guys who are basically all MVPs and are chosen first while weaker members or less experienced players are given reluctant debating stares before being chosen. This is drop-in volleyball. This isn't the official team where you make the cut or not. The number of women who came to volleyball in the first few weeks were small enough, but now, only four-five of us are left.
Dec 06

Meaning

If I looked into a mirror right now what would I see?
I would see a sad, lonely face.
Staring at me with a glare that projects hate,
But means sorrow.
If I let words pour out of my mouth right now what would I say?
I might tell you a story, or a lie.
But it wouldn't matter because you wouldn't listen anyway.
If I went outside the rain would stream down my face,
Mixed with tears.
And this doesn't need to mean anything,
So don't try to make it have a meaning,
Because that's not the point.
Dec 02

What is the use?

I have been here for centuries.
Through rain and storm.
My leaves have been battered and bashed by wind.
But all this time, I stood tall.
You ran and hid
But I was here.
Now I am gone.
You chopped me down.
I fell
So, so hard.
Now you gaze at my rings.
Telling your son how old I am.
I'll tell you how old I am!
I am older then your mind can imagine.
I have lived through thunder
And lightning.
I have stood as proud as any tree.
All that surviving
Just to be felled
By metal
In order to count my age.
Dec 01
Monster_T_02's picture

It’s All Their Fault


I know,
My history may upset those around me.
But my voice can give no apology.
I know,
when given the choice between red or blue,
Sometimes the choice is not up to you.
And I won’t just sit here and spout,
About feminism, 
Femininity, 
Or Self Doubt.
But in the night those monsters get me.
Attack in and out of sight
Wracking for a coping mechanism to pull me through the storm.
thoughts that,
Worm their way into my head.
As sweet nothings left unsaid.
I know,
Men get raped too,
Men hurt too,
Men heal too,
Men are thrown into social structure and concepts,
Too,
But this is not about,
You.
This,
This is about,
Me.
About the twirling tendrils of my mind,
Giving no leeway or door to hide behind.
About boys making a B-line,
For what lies on my backside.
Little laugh and snide remarks,
I hide away from in the dark.
Nov 30
When life gives you lemons make lemonade's picture

Words Of The Wise

What did the world used to be?

No one knows that anymore.

Green, they say. Beautiful and green.

They don’t ever seem to care though.

I know what it really was.

Trees.

Beautiful and proud trees as far as the eyes can see.

I should know.

I was one.

But now, as the cold hearted workers

In yellow hard hats,

And as the metal saw

Cuts through my beautiful trunk,

I say these last words.

Try to live without us.

 

 

 
Nov 30
When life gives you lemons make lemonade's picture

Words Of The Wise

 

What did the world used to be?

No one knows that anymore.

Green, they say. Beautiful and green.

They don’t ever seem to care though.

I know what it really was.

Trees.

Beautiful and proud trees as far as the eyes can see.

I should know.

I was one.

But now, as the cold hearted workers

In yellow hard hats,

And as the metal saw

Cuts through my beautiful trunk,

I say these last words.

Try to live without us.

 

 

 
Nov 29
When life gives you lemons make lemonade's picture

Would People Listen?

Would People Listen?

They say write about something that makes me angry

They say write about something that makes mad

But if I did,

Would people listen?
Say I tried to make a difference

Tried to make a change

Would people listen?
Say I was debating against a panel.

And had a great argument

Would people listen?
They say write about something that makes me angry

They say right about something that makes me mad

But if I did,

Would people listen?

Would people listen even if I’m a girl?

A woman?

And wanted my full equality?
They say write about something that makes me angry

They say write about something that makes me mad

I did

Will people listen?

 
Nov 29
When life gives you lemons make lemonade's picture

Would People Listen?


Would People Listen?

They say write about something that makes me angry

They say write about something that makes mad

But if I did,

Would people listen?
Say I tried to make a difference

Tried to make a change

Would people listen?
Say I was debating against a panel.

And had a great argument

Would people listen?
They say write about something that makes me angry

They say right about something that makes me mad

But if I did,

Would people listen?

Would people listen even if I’m a girl?

A woman?

And wanted my full equality?
They say write about something that makes me angry

They say write about something that makes me mad

I did

Will people listen?
 
Nov 29

Envy

How hard is it to be happy for someone and only feel the happiness?
Impossible.
For me, at least.
I have never lived a moment in my life where that four letter word of death doesn't haunt me. 
ENVY.
It screams out my name, 
Calling to be answered,
And every time,
I respond.
"I'm really happy that you got the part you wanted in the musical! That's so awesome!"
That's what I'm saying.
But inside is a whiplash of sad cries and anger and judgement because it's not me.
It's my own fault for not trying out,
But still I hate and sulk and it's unstopable because it's bigger then my emotional being,
It's my aura.
It's my life and my fears and my laughter and my tears.
It's all envy.
And how do I stop?
How do I just say something and not feel this?
I can't.
I've given up,
Caved in,
And somehow it's fine.
Because I'm used to it now. 

Nov 27

Worthless Ghost

I had never felt so alone in my life.
No matter how many people there were in the room,
none of them seemed to realize that I was there.
None of them spoke to me, though I spoke to them.
None of them looked at me, though I looked at them.
None of them even acknowledged that I was there,
though I acknowledge them.
I remember thinking that I was worthless to them.
My little cold heart curled into a ball at the thought.
It even ached a little to be completely honest,
but I always tried to push the feeling out of me.
There were times, however, when I couldn't.
They said that we were a team,
that we all needed each other,
but that was a heartless lie.
I could never have been one of them.
Even today after I've dropped out,
I still believe that I didn't belong there.
People say that once you leave,
you realize how wrong you were about many things,
Nov 21

9/11 and other stuff rant

Who are you to want to kill yourself in order to kill others?
How have you read peace in such a horrible corrupted way?
You are ordered to die.
To die for your faith.
To die for your home.
To die for your honor.
But your faith is ashamed to be related to you.
But your home wants nothing to do with you.
But your honor slinks away, surprised that it thought you deserved it.
And forever
You have created a hate.

Every September
We forget to remember the people who should of lived.
Instead we remember the people who should have died.
Who should have died.
The corrupted people who killed themselves.
And then we point the fingers.
Apperantly,
All people who are Muslim are the terrorists.
They are the ones we need to run from.
Apperantly,
All the people with dark skin are plotting to kill us out.
They are the ones we need to kill.
Nov 20
Qwen Block's picture

Overthinking

I stared down at the paper full of unfinished thoughts and the trail of eraser markings that I had brushed away with my hand many times before. I had tried to erase the words on the paper completely but to no avail, the remnants of my dark and neat handwriting were determined to torture me. They reminded me that anything I try to write will never be good enough for my unreasonable expectations of perfection.
The overwhelming need for perfection made my head hurt. I kept trying to think of what to write about and how to word it but to no avail. It had made me unable to think of anything else but "why can't you just write something already?!" I had no answer for that. I could only think of one solution to this frustrating situation, so I did that.
I gave up.
Nov 19
Qwen Block's picture

The Girl Who Can't Hide

There's this girl. A girl that will cry when she feels like she's going to cry and a girl that'll smile when she feels like she can smile.

It's annoying to those that dislike her, it's annoying to those that do like her, and it's annoying to those that don't know her. Well, that's what she tells herself. She has no clue whether it's true or not.

It's great for everyone when she smiles, but when she's happy, she'll just find even more reasons to cry. It seems like not a day can go by without something upsetting her. She's too sensitive. Too emotional.

Hiding behind fake smiles is something completely foreign to this girl because she simply cannot do it. She cannot "fake it" until she "makes it". She's confused when she sees so many other people doing it because she doesn't know the feeling. She doesn't know how to do it because she's never done it before. It is absolutely, 100 percent, impossible for her.
Nov 18

snow

Honestly, I could hate Winter more. The slush on the side of the roads gettting in my shoes while I walk to school in the moring. The black ice on the roads that can kill people, and the snow. Yeah sure it pretty but it gets absolutly every where and I mean every where! It blocks cars in the drive way, fills in parking spaces on the sides of the road. And for the people that live on mountains or hills have it the worse. Not only do they get like twice as much snow, they get plowed in every day. The plow comes through n a snow day and just shoves all the snow right into your drive way. Also the snow gets up to like 5 1/2 feet up there. Oh and not to mention when it all melts it a mud bath up there. From the dirt roads to the drive ways its nothing but mud. Sometimes the snow gets so bad that the t.v. goes black or it will start to buffer so my 80 year old grandfather has to go out in the morning and shovel of the snow from the dish. Thats on the top of the garage.
Nov 17
sorayaissad's picture

Sorry

I'm sorry I'm sorry to all the people I've ever hurt I'm most sorry to that one person that plagues my mind everyday I loved him, but it wasn't enough to make him stay
Nov 17

Drama and a Wisp of Smoke

He puts me down again and agian,
But I don't do anything about it.
My other friends tell him off,
But I tell them it doesn't really matter.
But it obviously does matter.
And it's breaking me,
But I don't do anything.
I'm like a wisp of smoke,
Going unoticed and going where I want.
But not doing anything.
And my friends defend me (the wisp of smoke)
But it's a lost cause and I don't know why.
I just know it is.
If life was a page I could write everything right and make it all the way I want it to be.
But that world would be so off from reality that no one would want to live there.
So instead I sit at this computer,
Making all you people listen to my drama.
But it feels good, so please deal with it. 
 
Nov 16

Compassion

Which one do I pick?
All stuck behind cages.
Scraggly fur
Eyes saying "Get me out of here!"
Cats, dogs, fish, parrots
All sickly and dying.
I only have five minutes to save one
The minute hand plodds slowly on.
Never stopping or hesitating.
Then I see the one I want to save.
Stuck behind 3 cat cages
Is a cat in a box.
With one air hole.
I need to save him.
"Excuse me Mister?"
I ask the storekeeper
"I want the one in the box."
"No you don't want Tera. She is very sick."
No wonder she's sick. You would be sick too if I stuffed you in a box.
"I want her."
I pull out a twenty.
"Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you."
He moves aside the cages and picks up the box.
I take it and walk out of the store wishing I could save each and every one of the animals in there.
Those poor poor animals.
In the car, I open the box.
Inside, a tiny brown kitten with a white nose.
Nov 15

Beautiful

I’m beautiful for all the reasons you think I’m ugly.

I don’t wear that makeup that all the other girls wear, nor do I gel my hair like the guys do. I’m not thin and I always have bags under my eyes. I wear baggy mismatched clothes while your all wear dresses and nice clothes. I don’t follow your styles and I constantly rebel from what you think is presentable. I’m a permanent rebel when it comes to your standards.

I don’t like to dye my hair or get my ears pierced. To get anything pierced for that matter. I like tattoos on the other hand. I hate short shorts and my feelings fluctuate when it comes to crop tops. I prefer longer shorts and sweatshirts.
Nov 15

Ignorance

What do you mean you think I’m stupid? Because I can’t remember anything? There’s something out there called “Short Term Memory Loss”. I have it. I can do stuff like math just as well as the rest of you, I just can’t remember it.

You still think I’m stupid? Why now? Because I play video games? Video games are always teaching you something, sometimes it doesn’t seem relevant, and sometimes it doesn’t seem good. Using computers helped sharpen my reading skills and also taught me how to do basic math when I was younger. Video games actually helped sharpen my skills.

I’m still stupid? Why am I stupid still? Because I identify differently than you think I should? My gender has no relevance to how smart I am. Even if I did identify the way you think I should.

No, the other thing is why I’m stupid? My sexuality also has no impact on how I perform in my classes. Well, it actually does but not in the way of doing my work.