The bedroom, where you spend a little more than a quarter of the day. It is where you can feel relaxed, safe, and comfortable. But what if you could change it. What if you could make a five star hotel room, or a castle, or a spot in the clouds, or would you not change it at all. If I was given the chance to change my room I wouldn’t change much. Currently my room is a room with gray walls and a bed in the middle with a tv stand and a dresser. First off I would change the wall color. I would change it to a dark blue, I would do that because it is my favorite color and it would represent the ocean. The ocean is one of my favorite spots because it shows chaos and peace. The next thing I would change would be the furniture. I would sleep on a bed of clouds and have the floor feel like the beach on a sunny winter day. I would also make it so that my room would never become cold. I personally hate the winter and the cold it brings with it. The next thing is the way things are organized.

Your religion is not an excuse to hate other people.
Your religion is not an excuse to be homophobic.
Your religion is not an excuse to be racist.
Your religion is not an excuse to be misogynistic.
Your religion is not an excuse to be transphobic.
Your religion is not an excuse to be an u.tter twat.
You use your religion and quote single scriptures, and pick and choose specific words. I can quote them in return, ones you call outdated and ridiculous or simply ignore completely.

Love thy neighbour
1 John 4:20-21 - "If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"
Leviticus 19:18 - "Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I [am] the LORD."

What am I supposed to think?
You made a fool of me.
What am I supposed to feel?
You made the monster inside me tense its muscles for a leap,
an attack upon my mind,
and then told me it was all a joke.
I know you don't really understand, but
What am I supposed to do?

I am panting, 
my breath coming heavily,
weighing down my chest,
collapsing my conscience.
My heart thuds, thuds, thuds,
the rhythmic materiality,
the only thread of reality,
left in this spinning eclipse.
All conception slips away,
abstract thought left in disarray,
indistinct shapes become my visualization,
slowly clearing to become a notion.
A triangle forms into rememberance,
pounding, slamming, smashing into sense,
edges clear and sharp,
my grasp decays.
Now fast is the repetition of life,
beating to the rate of a 2020 pop song,
unobtrusive in my racing mind,
a dull hum sounds the reason
of my current existence.
I strain to see,
to hear,
that singular triangle.

My mind renders an image.

Bright in the leaden, unlit room,
my iPhone 6s shines.

The time: 5:13 AM, Nov 4.

Black, against a stark white background,

Art has been my greatest companion. Therapy helps. It does. Incredible how Ellen stays sane during these times. And incredible that she stays sane any time. Humans are amazing. My walks to the mailbox are filled with anticipation. Today the sun was hitting the golden letters on our mailbox. Warm today. Sometimes even late fall can feel so warm and comforting. On the walk back to the house I saw a raspberry branch dance. It swayed head and arms up and then went back to dormancy. I’ve started compiling these four-page booklets –– personal zines really –– a mixture of visual and literary reflection. This one’s cover is a watercolor of a fenced-in suburban backyard. Have you ever been to Marblehead, Massachusetts? It’s a beautiful place, especially in the summer. You can kind of say that about most of New England: beautiful place, especially in the summer. Sometimes when writing poetry or rants (like this one), I make grammatical errors. I don’t like to fix them though.

Did you know that there's such a thing as a controlled burn? Yep. Here's what controlled burning is: "Controlled burning is any fire intentionally ignited to meet specific land management objectives, such as to... restore ecosystem health" (USDA). And do you know what tends to happen? The earth naturally needs to burn sometimes. And humans often stop that burning if it occurs near them! So then what do you have? A bunch of super-dry-about-to-burn grass. This happens over and over again and you end up with a large amount of land that is dry and burnable, so when lightning strikes or somebody throws a smoking cigarette out of their car window and into a field, that dry field can catch fire. Of course, there are other things to consider that I've left out like climate change and the way humans are affecting ecosystems everywhere and the complete crap thats going on, but honestly I'm tired of watching things burn. So I will let it be.

I have to cover my mirror with a scarf every night. Or I'm sure that the demons inside will escape and kill me in my sleep.

i know they don't exist.
but I still do it every time.

 

I try not to have any regrets
but yet I find myself
sometimes in debt
to the man in the corner
with his scraping beard
and jagged silhouette

he's the one I would have feared
inside his web of crawling
threads
a single cigarette
draping from his lips of lead

a stream of smoke that slowly ebbs
inside my mind
offset from the kind of things
that normally would have appeared
a speeding train threatening to upset
the notion
that we are intertwined

a minuet to which we are blind
an orchestral chant
a rant
for those who bled
instead of breathing
for those who fought instead
of dreaming

because once you wait your turn in line
until your empty fate's assigned
time will burn in fiery red
a soulless threat
we may not have volunteered
for this
but why are we still inclined 
to find
what words will stay