My father texted me on Valentine's day
Three years ago I would've responded
But this year I asked who it was
I had deleted his contact
I don't regret it
Because my dad died years ago
Infact, I'm not sure that he ever existed
Not outside of my mind anyway
Three years ago I went to his house for Christmas
This year I will throw away anything he sends me
My heart will hurt for a few days
And then I'll remember who he is
A stranger.
Eight years ago I was his little girl
This year I'm all of his worst parts
I see him in myself
I've tried to swear that I'd never be him
Yet I just end up further down the rabbit hole I lost him to
I don't even remember what he looks like
His face is a blurred out knife in my heart
My mother says that he is still my blood
So I'll drain myself dry
Anything to not be my father's daughter
Comments
"My mother says that he is still my blood / So I'll drain myself dry" is SO profound. I appreciate the matter-of-fact style, leaving no room for the semblance of redemption. Thank you for sharing this part of yourself, friend. <3
That's exactly what I was going for, thank you so much!
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