My father's daughter

My father texted me on Valentine's day 

Three years ago I would've responded

But this year I asked who it was

I had deleted his contact 

I don't regret it 

Because my dad died years ago

Infact, I'm not sure that he ever existed 

Not outside of my mind anyway

Three years ago I went to his house for Christmas 

This year I will throw away anything he sends me

My heart will hurt for a few days

And then I'll remember who he is

A stranger.

Eight years ago I was his little girl 

This year I'm all of his worst parts 

I see him in myself 

I've tried to swear that I'd never be him

Yet I just end up further down the rabbit hole I lost him to

I don't even remember what he looks like 

His face is a blurred out knife in my heart

My mother says that he is still my blood

So I'll drain myself dry

Anything to not be my father's daughter