Writing

My eyelids stay together

every blink

a little longer than usual wishing

I were still asleep

I don't remember not sleeping

last night

but I guess

that's just the way it is

first block

I fell asleep,

in your lap,

my head on your leg,

It wasn't one those deep sleeps,

It was the kind when you still hear and feel everything but you are indeed,

asleep.

I sob for

something I think I

hate, but cry "no no no"

when asked if I

want to quit.

Because I just can't.

There is no

possible way

that I could quit.

It starts with the smell

faint tints of gasoline

soggy leaves and damp surfaces

the air moist and wet as the sky prepares its dramatic soap opera.

The opening scene begins

a drop here and there

Unimportant

often forgotten

most times ignored in large groups

provides assistance

side character

never the main character

never given a chance to be the main focus

if at least for an hour

I felt my heart shatter,

just like they wanted

I wished I could have yelled

I wished I could have SCREAMED

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO HELL

but I can’t.

I can’t breathe in the water while I drown.