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The way that people talk and write about college made me think I knew what I was in for. But it’s a Wednesday night in April, and I’ve finished all of my homework for the day, so I’m in a restaurant alone.

its starting to ring

the noise in my head

telling me im feeling

something i didn't know

i was capable of.

its getting louder

the sirens

the warning

i dont have a chance

at surviving

you dont know how close

i was to falling

to plumetting

neither do i

you came along

i cant tell

if you made things easier

or ten times more difficult

i cant tell

if i only tripped a little

11:00 PM: "Hey. how are you?"
Delete.

11:00 PM:  "I know its late but I cant sleep. How have you been? I've been thinking about you."
Delete

i watch as all of my old friends 

grow up to be everything i never wanted,

everything i told myself i would never turn into.

As if it were wrong,

as if it were some curse.

And now i want everything they have,