Fainting Goat

I love

My family

I love

My friends

I love

The sky

I love

The sea

I love

The sunset

I love

To write

I love

To sing

I love

The stars

I love

I hate

When I can’t control myself

I hate

When I black out

I hate

When I hate myself

I hate

When people belittle me

And make me feel

Crazy and like crap

I hate

They were so awful to me,

And yet

They seemed to care.

They manipulated,

Twisted,

Hurt,

And destroyed me.

And yet I can't 

Seem to let them go.

Even knowing

How badly they could

I'm scared.

I can't believe we're here

Again.

I can't believe this is reality

Again.

Four years

They say.

It's only four years.

But it's four years

Of a living hell for me.

They laugh

The sorrow I know

Is like no other.

It is too deep

Too raw

Too real.

And as I stand here

Within its everlasting clutches

I find little bursts of hope.

And these little burst of light

falling...

 a good day

 fun and silly

 almost happy

 then the whispers

falling...

 I laugh and run

 with gay abandon

 chasing dreams