Calico Frost

I can talk to myself forever

when there's no one else around and it's just me in my head

we have fun

I can do any topic you want, come on

pick a card

pick a card

pick a face

My therapist told me not to punch waves

I think it was supposed to be a metaphor

I don't punch waves

I throw myself into them

Relentlessly

Until I can't feel the pain

We can do hard things.

We can push through heartbreak,

The tears of feeling like we're not wanted,

Like we're not good enough,

We can splash in them.

We can laugh and cry in the same breath

I told myself

Over and over

My future lies within that year

Within a heart so icy

It froze my own

Within eyes so guarded

They became attackers.

By seeking to reclaim our past

All I want is you,

I try,

I try to talk to you,

spend time with you,

but it just annoys you,

I don't know what to do anymore.

I text you,

you ask 'what do you want?'

I’m not sure which is worse, having my hair torn out everyday and markers drawing ‘makeup’ on my face, having a dog chew on my arm and a toddler chew on my leg.