dandelions

Sometimes I just want to call you

Run away from the world

Even though I don't even like you anymore

And you certainly don't like me

And we probably never worked that great together anyways

I keep everything i have left of you

I still look at our pictures together

We looked so happy

I still have your sweatshirt

It still smells like you

I still have the stuffed animals

"I don't care," I say.

Don't care.

Don't.

Do not.

Don't want to.

Can't.

Scared to.

You look at me.

Ask, "What about your friends?"

Yes, what about them, self?

I thought I had gotten better

Thought I had everything under control

I have everything under control

Right?

I thought they were gone

But they're right there

Sitting behind me

Breathing into my ear

I want to write something beautiful

but I don't have anything beautiful inside me.

This spring it has been cloudy and rainy almost everyday,

but oh...those sunny days.

I used to walk into a theater and it was salvation.

Stage lights and people who filled up a room, 

I was happy to watch them for hours.

I wanted to become some part of that

some part of the instant admiration