QueenBee

Four years.

The first year the devil

Was my best friend

My

Entire

Universe

So close he could see inside my head

See inside my heart

Knew every little secret,

Every part of me

Your goal is to make me jealous.

To make everyone jealous.

Even your friends.

Friends? Or followers?

You're all leaders and not very good at it anyway,

And guess how that works out,

You had my back.

I had yours.

Because that was the deal.

That was our deal.

No negotiating.

No way around it.

That's what it is.

I email you when I shouldn't.

I lie awake in bed

With my thoughts -

No AC and it's hot and humid.

I open a window.

It doesn't help.

I can feel the ghost of you in my every movement.

The blankets you snuggled into,

Just last night.

I walk.

I walk in my head.

In my brain,

My thoughts,

My feelings.

I look over

At your hand.

Hmm.

The more I think about it,

The more tingly I get.

Tingly?

Fuzzy?

Shaking

Shaking

Shaking.

Will I ever feel anything else?

Crippling fear.

Shaking.

I run to the bathroom.

Tears roll down my cheeks.

My eyes

Are empty.

My heart is, too.

Shaking.