Poetry

I thought I was an extrovert- 

I'm not. 

I can't talk to somebody unless they approach me first.

 So I don't correct when somebody says something that's wrong, 

I can only wish to check off something from my

endless lists that create the illusion of success.

What will it be today?

My week old math homework due in the next hour

or adding another item to my list?

I'm lost in little infinities, 

in stars that multiply the longer I look.  

I lose count of what's real and what's not, 

unsure when the endless stream of numbers concludes, 

Shadows dance on the names we wear, 

hiding our true feelings deep down in our pockets. 

Hearing each other's footsteps as you walk downstage, 

sounds strangely nice. 

“You’re a jerk”

“You’re the worst sister in the world”

“I hope I never see your face”

“Stop moming me”

Every time I reply with 

I love you too

I’m a jerk

I do your chores

How could I

when will it be my turn 

when will it be my turn to be loved 

when will it be my turn to be told i'm everything to someone 

when will it be my turn to feel pretty, otherworldly, stunning

You know what we are?

We’re caged birds.

Birds trapped in a gilded cage.

They try to take away our freedom.

But will we let them?

What’s your answer to that?

We can’t let them.

But we already have.

I thought this would be a

typical

miserable

boring

trip

with the exception of the refuge sought out in my computer

turns out

it would not be

I would encounter my best friend at two rest stops

Ten to twenty one

They thought that I was dumb enough

To think that they won

the last time i ate

was this morning

blueberry pancakes

warm

the smell of cinnamon

wafting from them

i ate a bite

then stopped

i imagine

ten year old me

running to the table

what is it?

i've always found it

confusing

why

are we tied to

one person

only

why

is romantic love

more important

than friendship

why

do i push people away

yet long

the smell of snow 

sharp and bright 

like the world holding its breath  

just before it turns new