One of Those Girls

I can't shake the feeling

That I'll never be one of them

Girls with lives made of honey and laughter,

Girls with someone who looks at them

Like they're laced with something unknown and magical,

Girls who only have to reach out to feel

A hand warm in theirs.

Girls whose nights wind into long phone calls, growing

More sentimental as the minutes pass, who wake up

With someone their hearts pitter-patter 

At the thought of seeing.

Girls who are wanted,

Girls who are thought about

In the margins of someone's notebook, in their playlists,

In their dreams.

 

I want to have what I see in my friends,

in the hallways,

in books and movies and my own idle fantasies.

I want to be one of those girls,

The girls who have everything in the form of one person,

Because being them seems like flying,

Soaring over moments tinged by the love

Of someone else's laugh, their hands,

The way they lightly tease and banter.

These girls don't seem so different from me, so

Why does no one see me?
Why doesn't he see me, even when

His eyes lock with mine for a crazy delirious minute?

 

I want to be with him.

I want him to lace his fingers in mine, I want

him to call me "my girlfriend" with a shy smile, I want

to look at him and feel everything and nothing,

chaos and calm.

I want to be one of those girls, the girls I see everywhere,

Filling my vision until it blurs.

But I've just never been so lucky.

star

NH

15 years old

More by star

  • Curl Cream

    I have been told

    To put curl cream in my hair

    Upside down, eyes 

    Straining against the ceiling light,

    Curls straining toward the tile floor,

    Bunching.

    I will smell

  • Dress

    I'm wearing the same dress I wore last year, on an evening that felt like moonlight even though the sky was still a milky purple-blue by the time we left, arms linked, laughter spilling over each other and turning the air fragrant, because back th

  • Lonely Rhymes

    Today I thought I looked pretty

    It must have been a trick of the light

    I can't fall asleep in this city

    I wish that you'd come stay the night.

     

    Last week I talked to you for hours