QueenBee

It's sort of familiar

You next to me

I can't tell if it's me being familiar to you

How you feel beside me

Or familiar to

Being pressed against someone on a couch

(this has happened to me a lot)

Again, we piled onto the couches

Facing each other

The librarians told us to keep it down.

Again, we talked and laughed

Learned all the new drama

Caught up to each other's summer lives

I looked in the mirror

And today

Instead of focusing on my flaws

On picking out everything I hate about my face

Instead of being my own worst enemy and self-critic

I looked

Really looked

At this girl

At the beginning of the year,

I lost myself

So completely

To the crushing waves of despair,

Hopelessness,

Sadness,

I am always angry

But usually I can put my anger away

This girl

Takes every conversation

By storm

Walks in

Not like she owns it

But like she knows what she wants

And there is no way around it

She will have it

This girl

Fighting

Some days I look through my folder

Flip through my books

Scroll through PDFs

And I just don't want to

Just don't feel like it

Just not in the mood

And suddenly I am terrified

Terrified