The fragmentary sentence structure of this piece works so well, developing what feels like just a snapshot or a glimpse into a moment between lovers... There is a scarcity of detail (we do not get a description of this couple eating their watermelon), and yet with this style, it just works, and the reader can fill in the rest of their story however they wish, on this shimmery summer night. Your wordplay (the run-on of words without commas to separate them; "crackles/cracks," etc.) and the circular nature of the piece (ending it with the sunset that opens it) add color and character, and bring it all together.
I love this kind of prose poetry: It is less flash fiction or the telling of a story and more so the expression of an emotion. Every successive detail reaches deeper, lingers longer, allows the reader to spread out inside the mind of a character and simply FEEL, not think. That said, there is still a message -- a message that rings like a bell when it aligns with the emotions you have already stirred up so mournfully, yet so rapturously. Beautiful and atmospheric piece.
There are so many layers to this piece, so much to contemplate in just one reading of it (so I read it three times). It's such a modern and original take on the genie idea, and infused with so much more raw emotion than that trope often seems to deliver. The plated gold of the bottle is a wicked detail. My favorite part, though, is the ending: "...the knowledge that genies exist outside their lamps // and you walk among them." That idea that there are those among us who wear false faces and make grandiose promises they can't keep (e.g. politicians, etc.) is resonant.
Whoa this is so striking!
Amazing. So much power in this poem. Well done.
Oh no I didn't mean to do that!!! I'm glad you like it and want to express it!
Beautiful. Bravo.
The fragmentary sentence structure of this piece works so well, developing what feels like just a snapshot or a glimpse into a moment between lovers... There is a scarcity of detail (we do not get a description of this couple eating their watermelon), and yet with this style, it just works, and the reader can fill in the rest of their story however they wish, on this shimmery summer night. Your wordplay (the run-on of words without commas to separate them; "crackles/cracks," etc.) and the circular nature of the piece (ending it with the sunset that opens it) add color and character, and bring it all together.
I love this kind of prose poetry: It is less flash fiction or the telling of a story and more so the expression of an emotion. Every successive detail reaches deeper, lingers longer, allows the reader to spread out inside the mind of a character and simply FEEL, not think. That said, there is still a message -- a message that rings like a bell when it aligns with the emotions you have already stirred up so mournfully, yet so rapturously. Beautiful and atmospheric piece.
There are so many layers to this piece, so much to contemplate in just one reading of it (so I read it three times). It's such a modern and original take on the genie idea, and infused with so much more raw emotion than that trope often seems to deliver. The plated gold of the bottle is a wicked detail. My favorite part, though, is the ending: "...the knowledge that genies exist outside their lamps // and you walk among them." That idea that there are those among us who wear false faces and make grandiose promises they can't keep (e.g. politicians, etc.) is resonant.
"Light" is this week's featured visual art on vtdigger.org, up now in their Life & Culture section -- check it out! vtdigger.org/life-culture
"Traveling" is this week's featured written piece on vtdigger.org, up now in their Life & Culture section -- check it out! vtdigger.org/life-culture
Oh. My. God. I LOVE all of them so much. Have you read all five?