Poetry

How do I explain

that doubled over laughter

none of us

can play volleyball but

all of us

can laugh

and s'mores

you asked me

what I was doing

I was doing

it all wrong

you said

yesterday i wore jean shorts and a white shirt with lemons on it. i forgot seven times that we aren’t going back today.

there are swans all around me 

but they are blind 

or i am invisible 

and i don't know which

The house breathes heavy.
Shadows louder than footsteps.
A slammed door echoes like thunder,
but we pretend it’s just the wind again.

Dinner gets cold while silence sits warm.
Mama stirs her coffee like nothing’s wrong.

I think I live for the silent and still —

The friends you made against your will.

The evening light,

The morning mist,

The impossible odds that you even exist.

𐑢𐑳𐑯 𐑒𐑫𐑛 𐑤𐑫𐑒 𐑩𐑐𐑪𐑯 𐑞 ·𐑗𐑮𐑰, 𐑯 𐑢𐑳𐑯𐑛𐑼 𐑢𐑳𐑑 𐑦𐑑 𐑦𐑟, 

𐑯𐑳𐑥𐑚𐑼𐑟 𐑓𐑴𐑤𐑛𐑦𐑙 𐑞𐑺 𐑜𐑮𐑱 𐑚𐑪𐑛𐑦𐑟 𐑴𐑝𐑼 𐑞 𐑧𐑝𐑮𐑦 

𐑜𐑤𐑴𐑦𐑙 𐑓𐑨𐑕𐑦𐑑 𐑝 𐑳𐑯𐑣𐑻𐑑 𐑤𐑲𐑓. 𐑢𐑻𐑛𐑟, 𐑰𐑗 𐑥𐑴𐑥𐑩𐑯𐑑

𐑖𐑨𐑤 𐑒𐑩𐑤𐑨𐑐𐑕 𐑦𐑯 𐑖𐑨𐑥𐑚𐑩𐑤𐑟, 𐑩𐑖𐑻𐑛 𐑸𐑥𐑼𐑦𐑙 𐑯𐑪𐑑 

Everybody's excited.

It's summer, after all.

I lie in my room, terrified of the pool parties,

The farmers markets,

The ice cream,

The fun,

The outside,

The friends,

The library.

They call it “the hood.”

We call it family.

They call it “ghetto.”

We call it culture.

It’s loud — but it’s home.

The ice cream truck rings at the same time every day.

I can't believe it

I've never mentioned it for almost a year now

it turns out that I really can keep secrets for this long

from even myself

from the universe

from everyone else

from my confidants.

Look at me.

Again.

Sitting in a wreckage

I made with my own two hands.

Hours—

gone.

Dreams—

I screwed up.

Again.

Same damn wound, reopened—

blood and shame mixing,

staining every step I take.

I'm tired of putting on a show 

I will learn this time.

I am stuck, really, 

Her anger spilled in cruel phrases.