Poetry

reminds me of crows billowing, in the middle of the day when I can see their wings

of snow and christmastime, falling bright orange or blue, covering shadows

watching it all from up high

I saw a photo of our band from last year

our Wind Ensemble

the intern we all fell in love with

the conductor we adore

everyone was together

and I just...

gah.

I wanted to yell STAY

Sack race

thirteenth birthday party

start of seventh grade.

My two BFFs since kindergarten,

the one that slipped in from fourth grade,

the two I met in fifth -

then of course my party girlfriends

The tides still ebb 

The sun still rises 

The trees still grow 

My curls are longer now. 

We have a new president new governors 

Different colors speckling made up maps 

How lucky am I?

To feel loved?

In a household and a family and a school that makes me feel not worth it

not good enough 

and I found someone outside of it all who loves me?

I used to have a purpose here.

Words would open,

and people would step inside them.

Photos would breathe,

and someone would stop to look.

Now it feels like I’m slipping—

here,

I wish I could see the world like a puzzle

with each piece

having one

rightful

place.

But there is far too much 

idealist romantic

in me 

for that to be the case.

I think

You get older

nothing gets easier.

Everything only gets worse.

I have mountains of expectations

over fourteen years of my life

it feels like so much

it's so little

Every time I open my eyes I see a different world staring back at me. 

Sometimes it’s beautiful. 

Sometimes I hate it. 

Lately, I've seen more hate than love. 

it was bound to happen eventually

the death of a best friend

but now

now is a bad time

on hannukkah

what kind of a miracle is that?

now im miserable

“i hate you”

“leave me alone”

“i don't wanna see your face”

you hate the way i turn off your light when you focus

or continually walk by your room until you notice

I've always

been scared

of rejection

so I

don't do

anything

i hold

myself back

from things

others do

i've always 

been scared

of rejection

so how